Couples fight on Facebook, notes today’s NY Times . Each person presents verbal artillery to wound the other. Instead of discussing conflicts and coming to some resolution, a public war ensues, each partner searching for allies and ultimately the more powerful position. It reminds me of young children who say: “He did it first.” On Facebook, Mom doesn’t decide. Friends
Last Saturday morning I rewarded a half hour exercise at our local Curves with a trip to the Village Cafe for a cup of steaming coffee, Irish oatmeal and The New York Times. “All sold out.” I settled for our local Westchester paper, The Journal News. The headline in the LIFE&STYLE section caught my eye. “Why Marital Bliss Goes Amiss.”
Sitting at Starbucks this morning, I opened Fall 2010 issue of the NYU Alumni magazine. A quote grabbed me. “There really is a paradigm that says ‘the Middle East is just reactive and defensive and everything you see there is just a reaction to the way the United States acts, or to colonialism, or Zionism or imperialism.” The author, Middle
1. Never pursue a distancer. 2. If he distances one inch, you distance two inches. 3. Distance does not resolve conflicts 4. Allowing space gives each party a chance to cool down. 5. It reduces intensity and biological activation or upset. 6. Calmer less reactive responses can then emerge. 8. The likelihood of a fight/flight or freeze response is reduced.
Does the love of your life avoid you and turn on the TV? Does your teen roll her eyes and say, “stop asking me so many questions?” Does your beloved say, “not now?” Do you hear, “I don’t know what I feel.” or “I don’t want to talk about it.” If you answered yes twice or more, it may mean
Flowers need space to grow and flourish, so do people. No matter how much you love your mate, your child, your friend, give them space. How can you know who you are, what you need, unless you have room to feel your boundaries, where you end and someone else begins? I have seen lovers, parents and friends crowd loving relationships